I Pill

Hi, 

I was chatting with a friend about I Pill, an emergency contraceptive tablet that has been launched by Cipla. I will not get into what I Pill is and what it can/cannot do. I am sure you people are savvy enough to know about it, or Google it to find out more! 

Since I Pill is an OTC medicine, it can be advertised through various media. While in India, I remember seeing many ads, that is actually how I got to know about it. I distinctly remember 3 of the ads - one of a married housewife, probably 35+, with 2 kids, trying to hint to her husband that they did not take precautions last night. Similar story for a newly married couple. The other was about a young girl, maybe 25 -28 years, running away from an abortion clinic. 

Now, all the ads gave out the message that if someone does not want to have a kid now, they have a much safer/less traumatic option than an abortion. They depicted responsible individuals, being mature about precautions, yet being  human beings, were slightly less careful (I am deliberately avoiding the word 'careless'). 

However, I recently read articles discussing how the I Pill privileges are  being 'abused'. It seems that I Pill is being used regularly by women, more than once in one cycle, a blatant disregard for the caveats that are detailed in the pamphlet (I doubt anyone ever reads the same). Hence, moving it from the 'responsible' arena, to a more 'casual, shortcut' one. So, there were opinions for making the pill a prescription drug rather than OTC. With a high abortion rate and deaths/complications due to abortions, the government probably wants to retain the pill's OTC status. 

In India, with many prescription drugs being freely available as OTCs (I am sure all of us have bought Corex without prescription), making it a prescription drug does not seem to be the answer. However, yes, the usage needs to be restricted. I think the one way to do the same is to ensure women are better educated, about their bodies, the pros and cons of such medication, the dangers they face. Schools (and parents also) need to take this up, in a mature manner; for lower classes, I am sure NGOs would be the best means. 

The western influences on our culture and children are increasing. It seems very nice to turn our heads the other way and condition our minds to believe that "No, my son/daughter will not do anything, after all we are Indians". However, the change is inevitable. We have to be prepared for this, and prepare our children for the same, whether a boy or a girl. Make them more responsible and mature. 

World Terrorism

Hi, 

Yesterday my husband and I were watching, the Pakistan foreign minister speak about terrorism, their efforts to combat Talibanization and how they are involving the common man into this. We then proceeded to have a discussion amongst ourselves about what can be done to eradicate terrorism. 

Actually, our discussion revolved mainly around my husband giving certain ideas and those are what I am sharing with you today (he does not write blogs!!!). Basically, terrorists come from poverty stricken regions, so they are used to many adversities; they are used to being without food and seeing their loved ones do without basic necessities (food, medical, shelter etc). So each small step in life is a struggle, a huge one. 

Given this background, there is absence of media and thus other forms of entertainment. The community activities, would largely constitute entertainment. These would largely revolve around religion and so, dependency on religious leaders, for their social and mental upliftment would be high. In this light, when someone assures them of taking care of their family, convinces them the path of terrorism is the way to heaven (and finally a better life), they would jump at it! 

After all, what do they have to live for? What do they look forward to in life? We look forward to many things in life -  career, possessions, children, marriage, love, sex; other self actualization elements on the Maslow's hierarchy. For these terrorists/would be terrorists - love is banned; career without education and that without money is not possible; knowledge that children will be subject to the same torture, hence, would not bring joy, would bring greater worries; marriage can happen, many times over and therefore so can sex. But then, would be devoid of love and romance, due to the religious teachings. I mean, does he even get to see his wife's face? Given that there is hardly any electricity and in the daylight, she would be wearing the burkha? :):) 

Hence, he has no ambition, no dream, no desire to live. He is therefore, open to dying himself and if he can better his family's life, achieve a better life after death, by killing some people, why not? He does not care whether those people are innocent, all he cares is his end goal, as defined by someone else. 

Answer to world terrorism is to give them a reason to live, give them something to look forward to, to hope, and to feel that Hey, I do not want to die now, I still have to do/see/feel/experience XYZ things! This will come by opening up their world through media, through education, through relaxing the rigid moral environment around them.

So net-net, let them hold a whisky glass and a cigarette (instead of guns); let them watch mushy romantic movies on TV (instead of religion) and give them porn (the most favourite hobby with guys)! Let them know what 'living' means. 

Ciao

School days!

Hi, 

Now this post is about the other school day memories, the 'teacher bashing' ones! :):) Our school had this unique system in 11th and 12th grade wherein students were divided into Ability and Non Ability sections, on the basis of their 10th board marks. 

So, those who got a percentage (the complicated percentile method was unheard of back then) below a certain cut off, were put in the 'Non -ab' section. Those in the 'Ab' sections were monitored after the first term exams; if their marks were below the cut off, they were chucked out of 'Ab' and into 'Non -ab'. 

Some of my friends got the most coveted 'Ab' section in Science. However, poor things could not probably cope or were busy with medical exam classes, so got transferred to the 'Non -ab' section. There they understood what it exactly meant to be an 'average' student!! The teachers used to come and instead of teaching them properly, used to belittle them by saying "You people are anyways in Non-ab, why am I bothering to teach you this, you will not understand" Imagine!!!!! 

There was no difference in the fee structure of the 'Non-ab' and 'Ab' students, so the teacher was earning her salary from both. Was it not her duty to teach both sets properly?? It hurt her ego to teach 'Non -ab' students (that she was not good enough for the 'Ab' ones), so she decided to take out her frustration on the poor kids. Did she not know that students are not there for pampering a teacher's ego? It should be teachers who should encourage students? 

I am all for carrots for students for performing well, sometimes sticks too. But those sticks should not scar a person for life and should not be detrimental to the confidence. Ancient Indian traditions show gurus were the most respected people. However, with all this, can we put hand on heart and say we really respect our teachers (all of them)? 

I am sure that those from the 'Non-ab' sections fared quite well later in life, my friends certainly did. Probably, some of them did better than some privileged 'Ab' ones. After all, our education system is not the best judge of a person's abilities, nor does it prepare the student for the best performing career! :):) 

After some years, sanity prevailed on Madam Principal and she abolished the 'Ab' and 'Non-ab' system. Maybe, some student from the 'Non-ab' section got through IIT or MAMC!!!! :):) 

Ciao

Praises and Gifts

Hi, 

In my last post I mentioned that this one would be about more school/discipline incidents.However, in this post I want to share one incident that happened today, during my son's recitation competition. My son goes to a playschool, where there are some 60 odd children, in the age group 2-3.5+ years. This was the 3rd competition my son had attended, hence, he and other children were well aware that teacher gives prizes (gifts). 

A friend's son, did not recite the poem on stage; and he was not the only one, there were many. Probably, such small children get stage fright, maybe they get confused as to why Mummy has come into the school, maybe they are simply not interested! Whatever, the reason be, even if they do not 'perform', they want a prize!! For them, its less of a 'pride' thing, more of getting a new toy. Like for my son, it does not matter whether he gets 1st prize or consolation prize or the common gifts teacher gives. All he wants is a gift. 

Now, this friend, she was very nice about her son not saying anything; unlike some other mothers I have seen. She did not pressurize him at all.She asked him once, whether he wanted to again go on the stage and recite. He very adamantly said no; he even refused all tempting offers by his elder brother. So, he was not interested. Point taken. Mother left him alone. 

However, being a small child, he wanted a prize/gift. I told him "Don't worry, teacher will give you". But I noticed, my friend did not go to collect the common prizes/gifts that were being distributed. Normally, any mother would collect those gifts, to stop their child from crying. I had collected during sports day, when my son WANTED it and did not deserve it; in fact, today also I had kept small car with me, in case he did not win anything. 

I realized, my friend wanted to give a hint to her son, that he can get a prize ONLY if he does something. It seemed quite harsh to me at first, but after introspection, I felt, she was right. If she had given something to him today, he could have understood it as 'I will always get a prize/gift, whenever there is a competition'. This could be detrimental to him in the long run. Actually, not him per se, to children in general. Of course, there is a fine line between this discipline and pressurizing the child to go and get a prize/gift. Parents have to be mature enough to not cross the line. I am using the word 'could' because it may happen in future, that he does not understand it that way. Also, this is my interpretation of what was going on in my friend's mind, if she  reads this blog, she is free to comment on it. 

My son cannot colour anything properly, he either scribbles the life out of the drawing, or colours only a tiny part of it. Each time he does colouring, he always says "See Mamma, such nice colouring I have done". What do I say? "Very good, very nice" Even though I am saying "Ugh!!" from inside. What does my husband say "This is not proper, you have scribbled, it has gone out of the drawing, it is NOT nice" For my husband, it is not important that my son should colour properly; he could be least bothered about it.

My son always cries whenever Daddy gives such a feedback. My husband's philosophy 'I will give praise wherever it is deserved'; else my son may feel whatever type of colouring he does, it will ALWAYS be nice!   Same logic for prizes/gifts ?? I think there is no right or wrong in this aspect, it varies from parents to parents and children to children. However, I want to encourage my son to do his best, but get a prize/gift when he deserves it! Next competition, I will NOT keep a gift with me. :):)

Ciao

Discipline!! and school

Hi

In the morning, I was listening to the song 'Give me some sunshine', from the movie 3 Idiots. Each time I listen to it, I am always reminded of my school days and some idiotic teachers we had. We had many teachers who with due respect to them, were very what do I say......strict! (yes, that is an understatement, but the due respect you see) Also, quite un - understanding!! I clearly remember 2 incidents where I felt the situation could have been dealt with in a much better way. Just for the record, I went to a very prestigious school, one of the best in India!!! (!@@##$) :):) (you people are smart enough to figure out what that means) 

One incident happened with me. I was probably in 6th or 7th grade and we had our annual day practice. We were standing in a queue, waiting for our dance turn to come. Due to the crowd of students and teachers and general chaos, we were getting pushed. I got pushed onto a teacher and accidentally stepped on her toes. Yes, it would have hurt her a lot, granted. 

But, she turned in anger and slapped me hard across the face! I was a small child and I started crying. The other kids started laughing at this thing. (Kids are quite cruel you know?) Maybe they did not know how to react. Whatever. Now it was not my fault, it could have happened to the teacher in a bus queue, movie theatre queue, wherever. Would she have slapped THAT person? No, of course not! Being a teacher gave her the power. 

The second incident happened, not with me, but a senior in school. We used to have morning assemblies which lasted for 30 minutes to 2 hours also!! This particular assembly was slightly longer than 30 minutes, though not in the 2 hour category. All throughout everyone noticed that a 12th grade boy was made to stand with his hands up, on the podium, near the principal. In that position, no one could not miss him. 

Finally, when the mundane stuff was dealt with, Madam Principal fulfilled our curiosity. She said that the boy was breaking an indicator light, of a teacher's car. The light that blinks for right or left, that light. Hence, she was rusticating him!!!!! This came as a shock to everyone and there were collective gasps, from students and teachers. I remember the teacher standing next to me, turned around and started discussing with a fellow teacher, what an insane punishment it was. 

The boy was in 12th grade, THE MOST IMPORTANT standard of school days, with the board exams looming around each second. Rusticating him meant that he would not get admission into even a half decent school, God knows if the government/poor ones would also take him. He would not have been able to give the board exams, thereby ruining his career! 

Even if he got admission, gave the boards, would the punishment not have scarred him for life? Maybe. It could have turned him against teachers and education totally, making him completely vengeful. Yes, he did something wrong, no one would condone the act. But, the punishment was too severe. Who knows, maybe the teacher (whose car it was), had slapped the boy many a times? I do not know what happened to the boy, maybe his parents intervened and stopped Madam Principal from making such a mistake. 

Till date, I feel that if I was in the boy's position, I would have smashed the car to pieces!!! :):) I mean, anyways I am rusticated, so what do I care? :):) Very bad, I know!!! 

I feel that teachers can contribute much more to a child's overall personality rather than just teaching him/her. The way discipline is taught is important. Beating up a child, humiliating him/her, comparing with better students etc, is not the answer. Unfortunately, that is what largely happens, still, in our education system. 

My next post, little more on this school madness. :):)

Ciao

Movie review: Karthik calling Karthik

Hi,

Finally I managed to buy the DVD for Karthik calling Karthik (KCK). There was only one in Emjay's (an 'Indian' shop that sells pirated DVDs) and I guess I was lucky to get my hands on it! (hmmm, I am pretty lucky in this aspect you know). I had been wanting to see the movie since before it was released. Main reason being that I absolutely LOVE Farhan Akhtar!!!!! (and yes, my husband knows about it)

I think FA is the sexiest actor we have currently in Bollywood (though he would not have removed his shirt in any scene I guess) and has brains too! Deadly combination! I mean for a guy who just sat at home for 2 years doing nothing but watching Hindi movies, he has achieved phenomenaly. He is an excellent actor, producer, director, and of course singer!!!! Okay, enough orgasms about FA. Let me talk about the movie.

From the promos I could make out that there would be some suspense element in the movie. FA's Karthik gets calls from a person called Karthik, who sounds like him! Ditto! And FA, like his father, has a very unique voice. So of course there was curiosity as to who this mysterious caller is, why is he troubling Karthik and how does he deal with it.

Now, having researched a lot of media (movies, scripts, TV programmes etc) with viewers, during my days as a Qualitative market researcher, I could make out the movie would be a winner! AND a loser too! Let me talk about the loser part first. Mainly, the topic of schizoprenia is such that it would be understood by an upmarket audience. I should actually say a more educated audience. Therefore, the appeal of the movie would be amongst the 'multiplex' audience rather than single screen theatre viewers. But then, most of FA's movies  Dil Chahta Hai, Rock On) are for the multiplex audience, metro types; he does not aim for mass appeal. I think this is okay, whether one calls it a 'limitation of the film maker', except for Don. (where the mass appeal was of SRK rather than the slick way it was remade).

Having quickly dismissed the 'loser' elements, let me detail the winners!! These are very obviously the direction and the acting. The director is a deubtant and given that, he has done an excellent job. The movie is fast paced and simplistic. Though the support characters are well etched, the script does not spend unnecessary time on further detailing them. More time is spent on Karthik, the central character and the emotions he goes through. There was never a point in the movie when I felt bored, I kept thinking what is going to happen next!! The pace is very important for such a movie, where the story is neither unique nor the climax unguessable. Also, given it is about schizoprenia, the director has not made it into an educational movie, spending time telling us what it is, why it happens, how many people in India suffer/die from it!!

The other winning element is of course the most important - the hero, though a loser in life, who initially cannot get a girl, is humiliated each time by his boss, badgered by his landlord, friendless etc. He transforms into this suave, right hand man of boss; gets the sexy girl (Deepika), stands upto the landlor and exracts money from him!! Even after discovering he is schizoprenic, the movie ends on a positive note. He takes action towards becoming normal and yet retains the sexy girl.

In my experience in media research, the hero should always be what he is - a HERO! This means he should fight the villains, set the wrongs right and retain the sexy girl (that is what the male viewers aspire for). Karthik though has not completely fought the villain (in this case his alter ego), but he will one day; this is enough for the multiplex audience, who is slightly more practical. He also has the sexy girl, in the end he is shown hugging and kissing her!!! :):) Even the multiplex audience cannot concessionalize this, they are traditional in this regard!!!

Farhan is simply brilliant, as always!! :):) But then I love him!!!

Happy viewing

My brother

My sister in law has been writing her childhood memories in her blog. She wrote recently about her sister being born and her feelings associated with the same. It brought back memories of the time when my own brother was born. I do not remember asking my parents to get me a sibling, maybe because I had many neighbours my age to play with. Or maybe I was slightly dumb not to see others having younger siblings and wonder why I do not have. I was 5 years old after all, when my brother was born.

I also do not remember anything about my mother’s pregnancy, except that twice she fainted, once in the post office and the other time at a grocery store. I remember being more embarrassed than worried at this. Come to think of it, maybe I was just a selfish child!!!! 

When the time came for my brother to be born, each day I used to pray to God that I want a brother and not a sister. I even threatened to throw the sister out of the window, if she occurred! It is a wonder my dear parents did not stop me. I guess they wanted a son too, ONLY for the reason, they had a daughter already. They would have been okay with a girl too, but maybe they really feared my reaction!! 

Finally, one fine evening in June, my brother was born. I remember going with Daddy to see him and mom in the hospital. There were slides and swings in the hospital garden and I was very much eyeing them. But I was also quite excited about seeing my baby brother. That time I was naïve enough to think “Wow, my prayers worked, God has given me what I prayed for!!” So, I went to the nursery and peeped. There were many babies there, some sleeping, some wailing their lungs out. Most babies were on the darker side and there was one fair baby out of the lot that I could see. I wished he was my brother. I remember being pretty disgusted with the others (okay, you can call me racist).

So, very hesitantly, lest my dream should break, I asked the nurse in charge “Out of these, which is OUR baby?” And wonders of wonder, she pointed out at the fair one and said that one! Wow, I was so very happy. 2 dreams fulfilled in one day, what more can anyone ask for. I don’t think I even asked how mom was. Very mean of me I know.

While growing up, given a 5 year age difference, I could have done lots with my brother and helped mom a lot. I liked kids (I guess that was not clear in all this ), so planned to play with him, feed him, take him around etc. But, from the very beginning, he was Mamma’s boy (he still is). He used to get very irritated with me feeding him and probably that is why he quickly grew independent in this area. We did play together lots of times, but he was pretty independent (except when it came to clinging to mom) and not the kinds to follow his elder sister around.

For some strange reason, given that inherently he is a MCP, he never considered me as an elder sister. He never called me ‘didi’ and still does not. So, though we were close to each other and of course I loved him a lot, I was not very clear what his feelings were for me!!! When I went to do MBA, he was maybe in class 10th. That time, he used to send me long letters (e mails were not very common then), which were full of some stupidity about WWF; but he also used to ask how I was and when I was coming. He was always there to drop me or pick me up, with his impassive face looking at all the other kids alighting from the train! So in some ways, he was glad I was home.

Few years later, when he was doing engineering, we became quite close to each other. Like confiding in each other and all that. I had less to confide in, since I was already married. He probably had more.  And our closeness grew from there. Some time back, when I went through a bad phase, he was the first person I told and the only person in whom I confided what I was feeling.

We are as close as brother and sister, can be I feel. And there are many times when I really really miss him. Especially when I catch glimpses of him in my son. I still hug and kiss him, which my husband feels must be irritating to him. I do not know how he feels. Nor do I care, he is after all my baby brother, whom I prayed very hard for!! By the way, he is not as fair anymore, so all dreams do not come true!!!

Cooking and I

Hi,

I have not written anything new on the blog because I have been busy....cooking!! I had called some guests over and so was busy preparing for it. Those who know me well, will of course find this shocking and amusing. Why? Because till some years ago, I did not know how to cook, at all! From the beginning, I never had much interest in cooking. Many of my friends helped their mothers, voluntarily, in the kitchen; some even knew how to make some dishes. But, I hardly ever ventured inside the kitchen. For some strange reason, my mother also never persuaded me to learn anything or even help her. I never asked her why because it was easier for me that way. :):)

Once my marriage got fixed, mom panicked a little, she quickly taught me 2-3 vegetables, one dal (pulses), rotis etc. It was not much, given that we were in different cities at that time. Since my husband knew how to cook, maybe both of us were slightly more relaxed! :):) And she also wrote down some recipes for me to follow. For many years of marriage, till my son was born, I did not need to cook. Normally we were late in returning home from office, so we used to eat out very often.

It was only after my son was born that I started cooking. I was at home and when my cook was on holiday, I attempted to make something for my small son. Soon, I started making some vegetable dishes. Though I found that if I had a detailed recipe, like how many tomatoes, how many onions; whether to put the turmeric powder before or after the oil (yes, I was a total virgin cook!); whether to put lid and cook or without lid. . I was also afraid of this ‘tadka’, I used to put it from a long distance (thankfully I had played basketball in my school days!) And then run!!!!!!!!!! Using recipes meant that I knew how to make exotic/party type vegetable dishes, rather than basic veggies.

After coming to Nigeria, I had no choice but to spend time in the kitchen. Though there are cooks here who know how to cook Indian food very well; in some cases, better than Indians themselves, we were not lucky enough to find one such person. By this time, I had included basic vegetables in my repertoire. Slowly I mastered these and bettered the party dishes too. I felt wow, I am a damn great cook now!! But I learnt that in Nigeria, a great cook is someone who not only knows how to make all this, but also, snacks (called small chops here like spring rolls, kebabs, samosas, namkeen etc), different salads, different Indian sweets (rasmalai, rasgulla, gulab jamuns, jalebis etc) and other accompaniments (chutneys, breads, pizzas etc; oh by the way, pizza means to make it from scratch, make the base also at home!!) The super cook is someone who knows all this and her maid also knows all this as well or better than Madam!! :):)

Currently, I am definitely lacking in this overall department. I know how to make few chutneys, some Indian sweets (in India, are bought from sweetshops, hardly anyone makes the effort to make at home) and extremely few small chops/snacks. My poor maid knows how to make some vegetables and pulses now. We both have still a long way to go to become super cooks. Only thing is, now I do not refer to recipe books (sometimes refer to the net) :):) and am not afraid to experiment! And when the ‘tadka’ sizzles, I put the lid on it!!!

Ciao

Too much of anything is bad

Hi

Some weeks back, my husband had spent a day at an orphanage in Lagos. It was an initiative by his company, as part of the corporate philanthropy policy. So all the employees entertained the children, put balloons in their orphanage, gave sweets to them; basically dedicated one day making them happy and wanted!

My husband shared with me an incident, which was very surprising to both of us. While distributing balloons to the children, a younger child’s balloon burst. Immediately 3-4 older children rushed forward to give their balloon to him. Also, while standing in queue for food (the company had arranged), the older children made sure the younger ones were served first.

Given that these children did not usually get things which other children take for granted, like, balloons, parties, someone giving them attention, special food (cakes, sweets etc); one would assume these would be very special to them, more cherished. Therefore, there would be some selfishness present, the desire to guard one’s territory (or gifts rather) and a wish to be the only one to have this. Instead, there was an inherent tendency to share, protect the younger ones, selflessness. Else, the children would not have readily shared their balloons.

These qualities are either absent or not so forthcoming in children of well to do families. In my own son, these are being forced, with great difficulty. Sometimes, he shares things, however, it is rarely on his own; it is mostly demanded by my husband or I, normally with a stick dangling in front. “You HAVE to share, else you will not get XYZ, no one will play with you, you will be a bad boy……”

So what makes these children special? Usually what we do not have, we try and grab, and hog! Maybe because they do not have many toys, and that too, not ‘own’ any (most things would be shared by others). So maybe their playtime, happiness and pass timers, do not revolve around toys. They would derive pleasure from playing with each other, games that do not require any materialistic thing, just one’s imagination. Maybe since there are no parents, the older children assume the role; hence put the younger ones first.

When my husband narrated this incident to me, I looked at my son’s toy basket and his million things here and there. I thought maybe the less one has, the more satisfied one is. The more those items are cherished, the more time is spent on them. My son’s playtime starts with his battery operated car; 15 minutes hence, he demands his cycle; this lasts for another 15 minutes, post which it is basketball, football, cricket, in 15 minute intervals. Everything is not shared, though others’ things are often demanded.

I have made renewed efforts to teach him X amount (for anything) is enough!! And that sharing and selflessness are two values that even small children can learn. If the ones without constant parental guidance can learn so well, I am sure my son can too.

Ciao

My hostel days...aaah!!

Hi,

Today I was chatting with a batchmate (and hence hostelmate), whom I have not met since maybe some 8-9 years. She was very concerned about my son's omnipresent cough and said she would try and heal him through Reiki. (okay, I do not know whether it works or not, but this blog is not about alternate therapies) She told me not to mention it to my husband (our batchmate/hostelmate too), as he would not believe in this. I thought, Wow! she knows him so well; even though she was not close friends with him and has not met him for so many years also. (like people change also right?)

I guess probably it had to do with staying in the same hostel, almost on top of each other, for 2 whole years! There are small -small things that we picked up about each other (not all, there were 100 in our batch, but most) and sort of absorbed these. So, probably for most of my batchmates, I can predict how they would react to a certain situation, how they would be as parents/co workers/spouses (hmmm maybe yes)!

It was a lot of fun staying in a hostel, away from family (though my parents were never very strict with me) and doing things on my own. The late nights, gossiping, bitching and discussions about cute guys.......the small fights on why is XYZ taking so long in the bathroom, why does ABC's alarm clock always ring incessantly in the evenings......celebrating birthdays by throwing buckets of water at the birthday boy/girl....

But it was also a great learning experience.

So what did staying in a hostel teach me? It taught me lots of things, which I did not realize then. These are things that get ingrained in one's personality and yes like sponge again, get absorbed in behaviour and value systems.

Firstly, it taught me independence. For someone who had stayed with family till 21 years, it was a major change, handling own expenses, managing time, food and friends. But these parts were easier. The most difficult was trying to figure out who is what.....and making friends accordingly. In this regard, I had led a 'sheltered' life - my closest friends had been with me since childhood; my college group did not change for those 3 years (and till now also). So, first time I was meeting people from different cultures, academic backgrounds, aims and ambitions. And thinking...."Okay, shall I be friends with this one or that one.....?" :):)

On the independent bit, once I remember I had 104 fever and there was no one on my hostel floor. Still I kept my wits about and did not panic. I collected as many sheets and duvets I could find in my room, wore many clothes; and waited for my body to sweat; and someone to find me. (I forgot to mention, mobiles were rare those days) Even now, whenever I am in a panic situation, I remember that day and know I will be okay.

Secondly, it taught me adjustment. It was about adjusting with a smaller room, narrow bed; a roomie, who was not a blood relation (though she was damn sweet!!! I still miss her at times), shared bathrooms; dirty loos (only guys are not dirty, girls are too and HOW!!!); lack of sleep; bad food (I found that the bread regularly had dead spiders in it...not joking!!) ......oh!!!! It was also about adjusting with different people; yet managing to live happily.

This learning has helped me even now. I can eat any type of food, share bathrooms and beds (though I draw a line at dirty loos) and can make do with less sleep. I also look at the positives of a person and for a change, have friends who are very different from me. Hence, I am basically less stressed out, and happier with myself.

Though I am not close to a lot of batch mates now, there is a certain comfort factor. Hence, I can chat freely and warmly with them; tease them; ask them 'personal' questions (when are you planning a baby types?)........ I still feel that I belong to that large family.

Sigh...wish those would return again. Luckily for me, my husband and I reminisce about those hotel days occasionally, and relive those happy moments.

Ciao

Pidgin English

Hi,

Wikipedia describes Pidgin English as a simplified derivative of English, used as a means of communication between people. Well, that is the language that is spoken in Nigeria. It sounds like English, but has minimum grammar and some nuances (like all languages have) unique to the language.

When we came here, it used to sound very odd hearing this Pidgin dialect/language (whatever); I mean, we could understand it as English, but we used to go in auto correct mode! We still do, especially as my son started speaking English here and now along with correcting his pronounced Maharashtrian accent, we need to correct grammar also :) Though, most Indians who have stayed in Nigeria for many years, have effectively adopted this Pidgin English.

I will give you some examples, to help you understand this better.

1. Mine is called My Own....Yours is called Your Own and so....guess what Ours is called? (yes, Our Own) There is a beer brand called Star. It has huge hoardings saying "In Nigeria since 1850....OUR OWN"!!! So when my son fights for say a ball with his friend, he says "This is My Own ball, you go get Your Own"!!! :):):)

2. Traffic jam (though to think about it, that is also a wrong word) is called Go Slow. So there are 'Long Go Slows, there are 'Little Go Slows' and there are 'Always Go Slows'

3. The chief shopowner lady, vegetable lady etc are called Mamma. It does not mean she has adopted us, it just means she is the head and whatever price she decides is THE FINAL price. Oh, and the salesmen/women, others in shop etc are called 'My friend'!!! :):)

There is a small supermarket+medical shop near our house, that my son frequents. The guard of that shop always makes it a point to greet my son (even if he is sitting in the car) saying "How are you my friend" and my son, is not used to this still, replies very rudely "I am not your own friend......I am XYZ's friend" (very rude I know)

4. A lot of words are repeated to emphasize the point. Like "Now now now, rain is falling down down down"!! And most sentences end with 'O' like "The place is straight -o"; "You just wait'o"; "Right-o" or worst is "You go straight-o now now now" :):)

5. Park!: The word 'park' is used for food, dirt and parking cars. For food it means "Ma'am have you finished? Can I park the food in the fridge?"; for dirt it means "I will use the parker (that is actually the dustpan) to park the dirt in the dustbin" and parking cars is well same as normal! (everything is not different see). Oh, there is a famous supermarket here called Park N Shop! So what happens there...."I going to the Park N Shop, will park the parked food into my trolley" :):):)

6. Little versus some and No versus don't: Okay, now this is confusing. Like we say "Put some or some more salt", in Pidgin it is "Put Little more salt"!! And if you do not want something, say "No make it, No want it..." :):) A friend told her maid "You can make egg any day of the week, don't make it on Tuesday" The maid understood this as "Make it only on Tuesday"!!!!!

7. Names: well this does not seem related to the language per se. But somewhere it is. Many people here are named after days of the week (yes, same as those 7 brothers in Satte Pe Satta) like Monday...till Sunday. This is confusing, I will tell you why. One day, my maid told me "The person has asked me to meet Monday". Now, since grammar is slightly omitted here, I understood the sentence as "The person has asked me to meet on Monday"!!!! I created a fuss saying "Why Monday, he should call you today etc etc". My husband very calmly said "She means a person called Monday has asked her to meet him!!!" Imagine my situation!!!

One more funny incidence on this. A friend's son got a note from school about football practice and Sunday was written on it. Now, she thought football practice was on Sunday, so took him that day to school. Only to find it was not there. Of course she blew her top (earlier I had written about how Indians treat Nigerians right?). Later, she found out, that it was her driver Sunday' who had signed at the bottom, leading her to think football practice was on Sunday (the day of the week)!!!!!!

"Friday is on leave on Saturday, but can come on Sunday; else I can ask Monday to come"!! :):):)

8. Misc: Vaccuum cleaner is called Sweeping Machine; Drawing room/Living room is called Parlour (till now, I used to think only of beauty parlour as parlour); half hour is not understood, one needs to say 30 minutes.

These are just some things that I am sharing with you, there are many more. I cannot remember the rest right now, maybe, those have become ingrained in my language too, after my 9 month's stay here! :):)

Ciao

Lagos - Police

Hi,

There are many question marks about the security of citizens in Lagos, especially ex pats. Given this, prior to coming to Lagos, I used to think that I would be lucky to see a policeman, during my stay! I thought, if security is such an issue, police and related infrastructure would not be there.

After reaching here, I was alarmed!! There are at least 4-5 policemen standing on every main street; there are police patrol trucks parked at major intersections and highways. And......all the policemen carry AK47s with them! (Till now I had just heard about these, in context with terrorists, not policemen; and definitely not seen) Not an ordinary pistol, like the Indian policemen, tucked in a holder, making it more difficult to pull out. So when we went to India recently, the lack of AK47s, changed our safety perceptions a bit :):) The Nigerian police therefore, look fully ready for combats, if required, with the dreaded armed robbers!!

Alongwith this, they indulge in regular checking of cars and vans, that are easy targets for the robbers. Patrolling is quite common, even in the daytime; we regularly hear the police siren in the afternoons and are now not alarmed by it.

However, I soon found out that this stopping cars on road, is not only about performing professional duty. It is about personal gains also!! Especially on weekends! You might wonder why and how?

Basically, over the weekend, most cars, especially of ex pats, are stopped by the police, to glean money. Oh, they are quite blatant, courteous.....shameless about it - "Good morning Sir. How are you? Happy weekend...make my weekend" Or "Sir, Ma'am, I want to drink water" These are Nigerian codes for - Give me money!!

They are accommodating about this - you can give them any amount, ranging from 100 niaras to 500 niaras, they will not ask for more. Sometimes, you can get away with saying "Oh I just gave back there" and he will not ask for his share also. Once my husband told a policeman "I am taking my son to doctor", indicating he will not give money. The policeman let us go. By what logic, I don't know. Means, someone who is taking his son to doctor, would definitely have the cash right?

One gets shocked when one realizes these are proper policemen (meaning not traffic policemen) with AK47s asking for money! However, what I like about them is that they are at least are honest about it. Unlike the Mumbai traffic policemen. Over the weekend, especially on Sundays, they (Mumbai policemen) will stop you under false crimes (like running over a red light, sounding horn too loudly etc etc) and obtain your license. Now, most people give the mandatory Rs. 50 to save themselves from hassles. I can say this about Mumbai police only, as I have stayed in only 2 Indian cities, and Delhi police are hardly seen.

The Nigerian police can hassle the ordinary citizens a lot. So, a lot of people tell me that they prefer the armed robbers than the police!!! :):) Due to this, every Saturday, before moving out of the house, I make sure I have 100 niaras change and in a handy place. So I don't need to show the police with the AK47s, my full wallet.

Ciao

Lagos- hairy story :)

Hi,

While sharing my experiences about Lagos, I thought about somethings that are quite unique to Nigeria per se. Probably these could apply to the rest of Africa as well, only, since I have not stayed in any other city, I would not be confident of saying so. These are assorted things that I wanted to share, hence, pls excuse the bullet points :):) (As all good things are bad in excess, I will write one at a time )

1. HAIR: My husband and I really feel that God has been quite unkind to these poor people. It's not only about the skin colour and poverty; at least he could have given them good hair! It maybe okay for the men, I mean, usually post 25 years, for men, it is like hair today, gone tomorrow :). But think about the women. Poor things!

Their hair is so curly, it does not grow at all; even if it grows, it curls up, so probably does not show. I am sure when women world over grow their hair, then cut it, grow it some more....cut it in steps/layer and other hairstyles; the African women would also want to do the same.

So they have figured out a way to experiment with hairstyles. Even if they cannot do this on their own hair, they try wigs. These are different styled, long, braided, beaded, with hairband, and without......Usually, this is done once a week, though the more ambitious get it done more often also. It does not look bad also....I mean earlier, when I saw someone wearing a wig, it used to look odd, not match their overall personality, or their skin colour etc. But when these women wear wigs, it looks quite natural.

The wig thing is not restricted to only women, time, energy and money is spent, doing it for young girls also. I have seen 3/4 year old sitting patiently while their mother combs their own hair out of sight, then chooses a wig, makes a style from it.

This is done by ALL women here......irrespective of income. The maids get it done at a roadside shop, while the richer women visit beauty parlours. Even then, my maid pays 2000 Niaras for each new look! (divide by 3 for INR)

In our early Lagos days, every Monday when my maid would turn up with a new look, my son would get confused. He would always ask "Who is this Mamma?" (after all Mamma has been looking the same since his birth.....harrassed!! ) :):) Now he has adjusted to it, though when the maid wears a formidable looking wig, he hardly wants to go to her. (no, she does not do it on purpose) :):)

In India, if a woman thought of experimenting with her hair, it would be a long process. She would consult millions of people, end up being confused; visit the parlour, end up being more confused; she would spend a long time on her hair, irrespective of look. For long hair, obviously it would take time growing it; for shorter hair styles, it would take a long time maintaining the same e.g. rollers for step cut/layer cut.

I wonder why we Indians do not think about adopting this shortcut, we are also quite obsessed with our hair. Just think, each occasion, change your look....just buy a hair wig (oh btw, I don't think my maid buys these wigs; I think she rents them) and voila, you are a different you! No need to use hair colour also. What an idea madamjee :):) Maybe because wigs have different connotations for us. We club wigs as something to be used by people whose hair has fallen out (due to old age, medication, illness etc). Or something used by film stars, to remain a part of our dreams for longer.

Here, in Lagos, it is a natural part of accessorizing.....actually not even accessorizing, since it is not restricted to occasional get up. It is more a part of them, on a daily basis....similar to someone using dentures. (yes, that is the simile I was looking for) The days my maid is with her own hair, I start to feel uncomfortable, that this is someone else in my house :):)

Given below, some pics of what I described here. I really need to get my camera out and click some real snaps. (for now, this is courtesy google images)

Oh, what do the men do? What all men do......trim their hair and once it shows signs of balding....shave it off! Sooooooooo boring :):)

Ciao

Cough!!!

Hi,

I am sure everyone is wondering why I have chosen to write about this topic...I mean, it is neither entertaining, nor informative! But, I am been plagued by this particular illness for the past 2 years. Correction, not me, but my son.....and therefore us(my husband and I). My son very frequently has cough...maybe once a month. When he was younger (he is now 3 years old), he had it like once every 15 days. He also has an immense ability to cough the whole day, non stop! Yes, I am not exaggerating. He has adjusted to this problem so well, that he can cough continuously, and carry on with playing, eating, crying, laughing...and of course talking!!! Unfortunately, till date we have not yet adjusted with this :(:(

So, after doing many tests, changing docs and lines of medicine (like allopathy,homeopathy and ayurveda; did I leave out anything??), doctors came to the conclusion that he has an allergy. We thought, wow! at last it has been diagnosed. This was important to us, because our perennial question was "Doctor why does it happen?" The doctor finally said "It is due to allergy".

Now the next important question "Doctor what is he allergic to?" (we thought answer this one and our troubles are over). "I do not know; you are the parents, you need to find out!!!!" WHAT???? This happened with all the doctors, irrespective of line of medicine. The homeopathy one was the most irritating. She asked me zillions of questions about my son, his play habits, his nature (NATURE???sounded like a matrimonial interview), his eating habits, whom he loves most etc etc. And she did not answer the only question I asked her (not fair!!!)Nor did she tell me how all those questions were related to coughing; after all cough is supposed to be an involuntary reaction of the body. :):)

So, then began the massive search, Bharat ek Khoj......continued till Lagos!! :):) I started to eliminate the common allergants such as coloured food (lollypops and toffees were my prime enemies, cold drinks/foods (till my son forgot I for icecream), dust (hmmmm, that is a tough one to eliminate, so let's say took precautions. This also meant the poor soul was deprived of participating in most Indian festivals (Diwali due to firecrackers, Holi due to colours, Ganpati due to both). Hmmmm little wonder that he loves Santa Claus and Christmas. :):) Have we ever wondered how come ALL Indian festivals cause health issues?

The incidence did reduce, however, did not stop completely. Alongwith medicines, I also started home remedies. I asked friends, actually no, there was no need to ask. As soon as an Indian knows that the other is unwell, all the ancestors like Shusrusha etc come alive .....and free advise on what can be done flows out...endlessly. Some home remedies worked, while others had other repercussions (my son being an Indian, freely let go whenever anything disagreed with him) :):)

To our amazement, what worked for the cough, was a medicine given by the doctor in Lagos. The amazing this is not in the molecule/chemical or whatever it is called. It is about the method of giving....as a suppository! A thing given from behind, reaching the throat and working beautifully, is to be seen to be believed. Yes, I know it sounds yucky, but we are desperate. :):)

Now what we do for my son's cough is:

1. Medicine: preferably the suppository. Alongwith homeopathy and ayurveda syrups. Also, nebulizer(expensive but worth it)
2. Home remedies: dry roasted haldi (turmeric powder), mixed with ghee and misri (raw sugar crystals); tulsi leaves eaten raw; or soothing teas (tulsi+sabut kali mirch/whole black pepper+ ginger+honey; Twinnings Echinecea+strawberry tea. I prefer these home remedies for children as these are tasty and easy to make. Also, there is no chance of the child vomiting, as there is with other remedies such as white pepper powder+honey, ginger+honey.
3. Precautions: no coloured food, regular vaccum cleaning
4. Patience. As cough usually takes 7 days or so to get better.

And we Pray that he reaches the magical age of 5. That is when ALL the doctors (those who asked questions and those who did not) say he will overcome his cough problem.

Happy coughing....:):)