Praises and Gifts

Hi, 

In my last post I mentioned that this one would be about more school/discipline incidents.However, in this post I want to share one incident that happened today, during my son's recitation competition. My son goes to a playschool, where there are some 60 odd children, in the age group 2-3.5+ years. This was the 3rd competition my son had attended, hence, he and other children were well aware that teacher gives prizes (gifts). 

A friend's son, did not recite the poem on stage; and he was not the only one, there were many. Probably, such small children get stage fright, maybe they get confused as to why Mummy has come into the school, maybe they are simply not interested! Whatever, the reason be, even if they do not 'perform', they want a prize!! For them, its less of a 'pride' thing, more of getting a new toy. Like for my son, it does not matter whether he gets 1st prize or consolation prize or the common gifts teacher gives. All he wants is a gift. 

Now, this friend, she was very nice about her son not saying anything; unlike some other mothers I have seen. She did not pressurize him at all.She asked him once, whether he wanted to again go on the stage and recite. He very adamantly said no; he even refused all tempting offers by his elder brother. So, he was not interested. Point taken. Mother left him alone. 

However, being a small child, he wanted a prize/gift. I told him "Don't worry, teacher will give you". But I noticed, my friend did not go to collect the common prizes/gifts that were being distributed. Normally, any mother would collect those gifts, to stop their child from crying. I had collected during sports day, when my son WANTED it and did not deserve it; in fact, today also I had kept small car with me, in case he did not win anything. 

I realized, my friend wanted to give a hint to her son, that he can get a prize ONLY if he does something. It seemed quite harsh to me at first, but after introspection, I felt, she was right. If she had given something to him today, he could have understood it as 'I will always get a prize/gift, whenever there is a competition'. This could be detrimental to him in the long run. Actually, not him per se, to children in general. Of course, there is a fine line between this discipline and pressurizing the child to go and get a prize/gift. Parents have to be mature enough to not cross the line. I am using the word 'could' because it may happen in future, that he does not understand it that way. Also, this is my interpretation of what was going on in my friend's mind, if she  reads this blog, she is free to comment on it. 

My son cannot colour anything properly, he either scribbles the life out of the drawing, or colours only a tiny part of it. Each time he does colouring, he always says "See Mamma, such nice colouring I have done". What do I say? "Very good, very nice" Even though I am saying "Ugh!!" from inside. What does my husband say "This is not proper, you have scribbled, it has gone out of the drawing, it is NOT nice" For my husband, it is not important that my son should colour properly; he could be least bothered about it.

My son always cries whenever Daddy gives such a feedback. My husband's philosophy 'I will give praise wherever it is deserved'; else my son may feel whatever type of colouring he does, it will ALWAYS be nice!   Same logic for prizes/gifts ?? I think there is no right or wrong in this aspect, it varies from parents to parents and children to children. However, I want to encourage my son to do his best, but get a prize/gift when he deserves it! Next competition, I will NOT keep a gift with me. :):)

Ciao