Too much of anything is bad

Hi

Some weeks back, my husband had spent a day at an orphanage in Lagos. It was an initiative by his company, as part of the corporate philanthropy policy. So all the employees entertained the children, put balloons in their orphanage, gave sweets to them; basically dedicated one day making them happy and wanted!

My husband shared with me an incident, which was very surprising to both of us. While distributing balloons to the children, a younger child’s balloon burst. Immediately 3-4 older children rushed forward to give their balloon to him. Also, while standing in queue for food (the company had arranged), the older children made sure the younger ones were served first.

Given that these children did not usually get things which other children take for granted, like, balloons, parties, someone giving them attention, special food (cakes, sweets etc); one would assume these would be very special to them, more cherished. Therefore, there would be some selfishness present, the desire to guard one’s territory (or gifts rather) and a wish to be the only one to have this. Instead, there was an inherent tendency to share, protect the younger ones, selflessness. Else, the children would not have readily shared their balloons.

These qualities are either absent or not so forthcoming in children of well to do families. In my own son, these are being forced, with great difficulty. Sometimes, he shares things, however, it is rarely on his own; it is mostly demanded by my husband or I, normally with a stick dangling in front. “You HAVE to share, else you will not get XYZ, no one will play with you, you will be a bad boy……”

So what makes these children special? Usually what we do not have, we try and grab, and hog! Maybe because they do not have many toys, and that too, not ‘own’ any (most things would be shared by others). So maybe their playtime, happiness and pass timers, do not revolve around toys. They would derive pleasure from playing with each other, games that do not require any materialistic thing, just one’s imagination. Maybe since there are no parents, the older children assume the role; hence put the younger ones first.

When my husband narrated this incident to me, I looked at my son’s toy basket and his million things here and there. I thought maybe the less one has, the more satisfied one is. The more those items are cherished, the more time is spent on them. My son’s playtime starts with his battery operated car; 15 minutes hence, he demands his cycle; this lasts for another 15 minutes, post which it is basketball, football, cricket, in 15 minute intervals. Everything is not shared, though others’ things are often demanded.

I have made renewed efforts to teach him X amount (for anything) is enough!! And that sharing and selflessness are two values that even small children can learn. If the ones without constant parental guidance can learn so well, I am sure my son can too.

Ciao