My brother

My sister in law has been writing her childhood memories in her blog. She wrote recently about her sister being born and her feelings associated with the same. It brought back memories of the time when my own brother was born. I do not remember asking my parents to get me a sibling, maybe because I had many neighbours my age to play with. Or maybe I was slightly dumb not to see others having younger siblings and wonder why I do not have. I was 5 years old after all, when my brother was born.

I also do not remember anything about my mother’s pregnancy, except that twice she fainted, once in the post office and the other time at a grocery store. I remember being more embarrassed than worried at this. Come to think of it, maybe I was just a selfish child!!!! 

When the time came for my brother to be born, each day I used to pray to God that I want a brother and not a sister. I even threatened to throw the sister out of the window, if she occurred! It is a wonder my dear parents did not stop me. I guess they wanted a son too, ONLY for the reason, they had a daughter already. They would have been okay with a girl too, but maybe they really feared my reaction!! 

Finally, one fine evening in June, my brother was born. I remember going with Daddy to see him and mom in the hospital. There were slides and swings in the hospital garden and I was very much eyeing them. But I was also quite excited about seeing my baby brother. That time I was naïve enough to think “Wow, my prayers worked, God has given me what I prayed for!!” So, I went to the nursery and peeped. There were many babies there, some sleeping, some wailing their lungs out. Most babies were on the darker side and there was one fair baby out of the lot that I could see. I wished he was my brother. I remember being pretty disgusted with the others (okay, you can call me racist).

So, very hesitantly, lest my dream should break, I asked the nurse in charge “Out of these, which is OUR baby?” And wonders of wonder, she pointed out at the fair one and said that one! Wow, I was so very happy. 2 dreams fulfilled in one day, what more can anyone ask for. I don’t think I even asked how mom was. Very mean of me I know.

While growing up, given a 5 year age difference, I could have done lots with my brother and helped mom a lot. I liked kids (I guess that was not clear in all this ), so planned to play with him, feed him, take him around etc. But, from the very beginning, he was Mamma’s boy (he still is). He used to get very irritated with me feeding him and probably that is why he quickly grew independent in this area. We did play together lots of times, but he was pretty independent (except when it came to clinging to mom) and not the kinds to follow his elder sister around.

For some strange reason, given that inherently he is a MCP, he never considered me as an elder sister. He never called me ‘didi’ and still does not. So, though we were close to each other and of course I loved him a lot, I was not very clear what his feelings were for me!!! When I went to do MBA, he was maybe in class 10th. That time, he used to send me long letters (e mails were not very common then), which were full of some stupidity about WWF; but he also used to ask how I was and when I was coming. He was always there to drop me or pick me up, with his impassive face looking at all the other kids alighting from the train! So in some ways, he was glad I was home.

Few years later, when he was doing engineering, we became quite close to each other. Like confiding in each other and all that. I had less to confide in, since I was already married. He probably had more.  And our closeness grew from there. Some time back, when I went through a bad phase, he was the first person I told and the only person in whom I confided what I was feeling.

We are as close as brother and sister, can be I feel. And there are many times when I really really miss him. Especially when I catch glimpses of him in my son. I still hug and kiss him, which my husband feels must be irritating to him. I do not know how he feels. Nor do I care, he is after all my baby brother, whom I prayed very hard for!! By the way, he is not as fair anymore, so all dreams do not come true!!!