Control, control, control!

Hi, 

Recently, my son started swimming classes, worth NGN 1k (=333 INR) for each class. The cost did not pinch us at all, after all, we really wanted him to learn how to swim. He enjoys it and modesty apart, is learning fast. Usually, there are around 7-8 children in the pool with him. Since we are in Nigeria, most are Nigerians. 

Most of these local children, even those as young as my son (3 years), come with their nannies. Some are accompanied by their mothers, only till she changes them; after which, they are in the able hands of the instructor. I always accompany my son and keep an eagle eye on him AND the instructor. Not only that, time and again, I scream out instructions to my son "Go that side, show me you can do it", "Move your hands also, not only your legs" (and vice versa). I am not sure whether he can hear me from that far, but I get pleased that I have done my duty as an encouraging mom! 

My knowledge of swimming is minuscule. I started learning with N and I can manage to move only with a float. Yet, this does not deter me from instructing the instructor, what he should teach my son; question him as to why he himself isn't going in the water; doubting him when he says N is tired. 

I wonder why I need to have all the reins in my hands, N's, the instructor's....? It cannot be because I do not trust the instructor. It definitely is not because I know more. So what is it? Probably VFM? You may ask.....VFM? This is about emotions!! I desire that N should learn in the 12 classes I paid for......I push him to try more...stretch till the full one hour (if he does more, WOW!!). I have already decided not to pay for more classes, so i push the instructor into water (not literally!!!) each class. 

Does a Nigerian mother not desire VFM? How does she delegate control to a stranger, albeit an expert? Hmmm, some food for thought. After all, most of the Nigerian children can swim better or at par with N. 

Ciao

Facebook versus Twitter

Hi, 

Twitter has been in the news for sometime now, basically talking about what X celebrity 'tweeted' and the counter effect seen by other celebrities' 'tweets'. Given the recent developments, Twitter, I think has become a victim of disdain, outrage and curiosity. After all, it dared to raise doubts about India's greatest passion....cricket. Okay, maybe not Twitter per se, but some people through it. 

I am not on Twitter, so I cannot understand why it has become such a popular means of attacking, counter attacking others; why news channels (English news channels to be specific), quote from Twitter; why 'tweeting' has become a social lingo; why it has usurped news to become the medium for dispersing information. 

Despite Facebook having more regular users than Twitter (the figures I read were FB being 20 times of Twitter!!), how come FB does not possess such powers? Prima facie, it (FB) is a social networking site and an entertainment medium through it's various Zynga games. However, it does offer a 'What is on your mind?' feature, allowing the user to share his/her thoughts/opinions/emotions. 

Many a times, I have used FB to communicate my views on various general/political/economical topics. I know many of my friends have done the same. Case in point is my stance against the 'Mumbai being Aamchi Mumbai' only in one language, Marathi. My status messages always reflect the same. (not everyday, but whenever the old information method, news, lets me know it is time!). 

I wonder whether I can send such strong messages through Twitter. I mean, on FB, I am within a selected group of people (never mind if it extends to 250+). But, I know, I am safe. Safe from vicious verbal attack, safe from having to enter into counter attack and then basically, thinking, why am I thinking, why am I tweeting!! 

Another thing, on FB, I share a lot of personal things through my status messages - quotable quotes from my son, my husband; my mood swings; my schedule........such mundane stuff at times, I am sure the lack of comments tell me, even my small group is not interested in it! The point is, I am not shy of writing and sharing. I don't need to think what someone would be thinking.......most times I do not even care whether they read it or not. 

Twitter says "What's happening?" amongst a group of unknowns. It signals to me, to share some 'happening' event/news/information. I am sure the many 'unknowns' reading it would not be interested in knowing about my family/me.......worst they might scorn me. They want to know about world at large, the larger issues of life.   The more 'happening', the better. From the more 'happening', the BEST!

For an ordinary user like me, FB works beautifully. With the great media hype, I think I am too small for Twitter. They say that there is safety in anonymity......I think there is safety in a closed group. There is also a comfort of remaining who I am. 

Here's to FB and it's powers to allow me to communicate as I am. 

Ciao

Hobbies and women

Hi, 

During our weekday chats, my best friend was telling me about her facing depression once, due to acute boredom. Basically, after marriage, she shifted to USA and was not working, did not have many friends, no internet etc etc etc.....Both of us discussed how these issues are now getting to be common in our generation. I mean, our mothers were housewives and they never mentioned getting bored, 'getting depressed' was something probably they still don't know! 

I guess my mother would have definitely got bored; I was born 7 years after their marriage (my brother later than me), Dad was travelling very frequently, no TV (anyways there was no cable connection those times), some friends. I wonder what she did the whole day? She used to keep herself busy with painting and embroidery. Being a trained commercial artist, I guess painting was not a problem for her. Embroidery was  something she learnt from her mother. 

I think a lot of women in her generation, got involved in embroidery, home decoration, knitting, such allied stuff; just to keep themselves busy. Depression, thus, kept itself totally at bay. However, our generation, could face this problem. My friends and I were always busy with studies; not that we were brilliant :):). We did not have time to cultivate hobbies, nor did we have an inclination for it! Somehow such stuff was scorned upon. 

Now that I am not working (or hardly working, sometimes working...), and my son goes to school for an extended time, I have too much free time on hand. That is when I really wish I had learnt some hobby, embroidery or painting or anything like that from Mom. It would not only have helped me pass my time, but would have been constructive also. My Mom still learns new hobbies; recently she learnt  chocolate making and candle making. And they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks!!! :):)  

I hope after my forthcoming India trip, I can return fully equipped with some hobby, to keep depression at bay! 

Ciao

Speak English, read English....

Hi, 

As usual, husband and I were having a discussion, this time, about English and it's importance. He was talking about his school days, when he did not have any command on the language; as a result, could not properly express his thoughts. This posed a problem for him, especially in exams, as he did not learn through rote, but through understanding. Belonging to a typical Hindi speaking household, in a small town, he did not have much exposure to English language per se; availability of children's books was limited, English TV programming absent; peers were more or less similar in their command......

Soon, he realized that it was important to learn to think in the language. That is when he started reading books. It is a different matter that those books were Hardy boys and Mills and Boon!! No one can label those as classics :):) His English improved and now (actually since many years now), his command of the language is superb; so is his vocabulary. He uses a lot of 'tough' words in routine sentences......they are tough, so I cannot remember them to give examples here :):) 

On the other hand, I was very fluent with English from childhood. I used to write poems and stories, at an early age, those used to get published in magazines.Strange actually how my English was good, because we spoke exclusively in Marathi at home; Punju Hindi with friends. I remember in 1st grade, the teacher had asked us all to speak only in English at home. I returned that day from school and followed her instructions. Mom was damn strict about speaking in Marathi at home; and before she let go her wrath on me, I revealed the teacher's instructions. Mom got wild, saying No way!! It is important to know your mother tongue!!! Grrrrr....

So how did I learn? I guess maybe because my father got me (and my brother) into the reading habit very early. I remember my first book....a mammoth fairytale stories book; which had uncommon fairytale stories (besides the regular Cinderella, Snowhite, Goldilocks). After the final exams got over, Dad, brother and I, used to go to Tekson's (a famous bookstore, those times Crossword) and buy books worth Rs. 1500. That amount was huge back then, now it is the equivalent of a per head dinner! Dad never used to blink an eyelid at the amount we spent on books. 

I guess, that is how my English became pretty okay....in fact, modesty apart, pretty good!! I have kept most of those books, in great condition. Mom does threaten to dispose them off......but I have kept them for my kid/s. (yes, in her house :):) )

I see many mothers struggling to teach English to their children. It is important I know, but probably, instead of rote, encouraging the reading habit could prove beneficial. Having said that, I hope when my time comes, I am able to inculcate the same in my son. Finally, those books would be brought to my house, Mom would be rid of them!! :):)

Happy reading :):)

The job gets us money...anything else?

Hi, 

I haven't written a new post for sometime, have been busy with work! Yes, finally after some months, I got a project to do. It was much required to get the old grey cells, rusting in some corner of my brain, running!! I used to be working full time till my son was born; unlike this part time, work from home thing I do now. Being with market research, work life was unpredictable, full of hustle bustle, irritation, frustration, abuses (to the ever demanding, never satisfied client). It was also full of women gossip, unwinding at parties, continuous oiling of grey cells without any effort....and of course the moolah!! 

I thought I would be happy leaving my job, after all I used to curse it lots of times. However, after almost 2 years, the itch to get back to work started. Unlike traditional Indian husbands, mine pushed me into scratching the itch, finding work. Maybe his taunts that how I wasted an MBA seat and have become a housewife worked. 

Initially, I had many issues admitting I was a housewife. I remember some census guy had come, asking who all stay here, what does your husband do etc. He asked me, "What do you do?" I launched into "I was working, now my son is small so have left job......." He gave me a tired look and wrote "Housewife"!!! I was like WHAT!!!! I narrated this incident to my husband in the evening; he was like "So? That's what you are now" I was like "No way.....how can I be....am I....yes, that's right I am....I AM!!!! Boo hoo"

So what is it about working? For a women? I do not want to make this generic to all 'earlier working, now not working' women. But somewhere, since working women are in minority, it sets them apart from the majority of housewives. I as a working women used to feel above them......though in office, we gossiped about the same topics. Difference being, the location was not someone's house, kitty party, 'galli', supermarkets........instead it was office - a formal area, primary language of discussion being English, lending it some sophistication!!

The other 2 important things are - Money, and Dinner table conversations. 

Money makes the world go around: In my initial 'housewifely' days, I remember liking a formal shirt, which was expi (actually for a formal shirt, it was the right price), but extremely nice. However, I didn't buy it - I rationalized saying where will I wear it now, it was different when I used to go to office etc etc. Now, if it had been cheaper, maybe this rationalization would not have worked. My husband in all this, urged me to purchase it, the thoughts of My money and Your money are alien to him. Those are the concepts on which I operate :):) 

But, working brings a certain amount of financial independence and it is in these small things that it really matters. (We have done a lot of research which says working women still depend upon a male, father or husband, for financial decisions) Initially I had a great hesitation using my husband's money to buy gifts for my family. I don't know why since the poor chap never even knew I was withdrawing through his ATM card! 

So, alongwith the moolah issue, my wardrobe and accessories changed. More casual clothes and Tees were stocked, than formal salwar kameez and western attire. I still use my old phone (purchased in 2006) and have no plans of changing it; I don't hold credit cards, however, even now I am the cash carrier!!; shopping bings have ended, mostly it is like "I am at home, why do I need xyz!!" So, the entire 'working women' aura has diminished :(:(

Dinner table conversations...hmmm...in the 'working woman times', dinner table was actually the restaurant dinner table....getting ready for work and making tea was at best what I could manage! Even with the typical Udupi waiter hurrying us up (however much one is earning, eating out everyday cannot be managed at a fine dine everytime), I still managed to tell my husband about my day. It revolved around the current unreasonable client demands, how we should therefore not solicit his products; slowness of my juniors/field staff; unexpected meeting called by boss on weekend; gossip about who has resigned, having love affair etc. 

Now, we have dinner (lunch and breakfast) at the dining table (we OWN one). It is an elaborate affair, though my maid gives us looks to hurry up. In between ignoring her impatient looks and feeding my son, I tell my husband about my day - the pain I went through arguing with the vegetable vendor for 50 niaras; cribs about the maid coming late; son not cooperating to get up and his slowness causing taunts from teacher; one friend having issues with the other, fighting with her husband etc etc. 

So, some things have not changed!! :):) 

I have best of both worlds now. I work part time from home; so I can spend time with family, and at work. Since it is freelancing, at times I have work, at times I don't. But whenever I do have, I enjoy it more and the small amount of money gains tremendous proportions! However, I miss all my office colleagues and the times I spent with them. That's when I really really want to get back to an office life.

Ciao

Buying Indian vegetables in Lagos

Hi,

When I shifted here, I had no clue whether we would get Indian vegetables in Lagos or not. My husband had also told me astronomical prices of certain veggies. I was really dreading this veggie buying!! The second day I came to Lagos, my friend took me to the roadside vendors, who sold veggies. Since this was on a road, no shop, I was very scared! I clinged onto my purse and kept fearing the armed robbers. Now, I am a pro at buying veggies and slowly inching my way into the close circle of the veggie lady! What does it take and what does this close circle mean? Some pointers to new/would be Lagos ex pats, read on....

1. Be prepared to be shocked: We get ALL Indian vegetables here, from methi to dhaniya, to tondli (kundru), doodhi, bhindi etc etc etc. You name it, they have it. Surprising part is that these are called by Indian names. Initially, I tried to ask for Aubergines, I got a dumb look; next I tried Brinjal, again same look; then a kindly lady said "She wants Baingan". I  got the baingan and an angry look ("Couldn't you say that earlier"!!)

The shocking part is definitely the prices - very small amount of dhaniya, probably enough to last for one use, costs N100 (= Rs. 33)!!! My Delhi friends will find this close to a heart attack, since many of them get it free with the vegetables! Cauliflower is THE most expensive at N 1000 (=Rs.330) for half a kilo!! "You know, anyways cauliflower causes a lot of gas in the stomach......who wants to eat it!!" That is how we have rationalized our lesser cauliflower intake!! :) As for dhaniya, we do buy it, but restrict it to dishes for guests. For regular food, powdered dhaniya is good enough!  

Most treasured!!

2nd most treasured!

2. Be prepared to book your Fridays: Though everything is available, fresh veggies are available only on Fridays and Mondays; Fridays are the most preferable. Rest of the week, you could get good onions and potatoes; but you will definitely not get fresh leafy vegetables; you will get rotten tomatoes/brinjals/bottle gourd etc. Some weeks back, while I was buying veggies, a man had come (minus wife/mother/sister). He was like "Okay, I will buy some now and buy some more after 2 days!!!" The women around all smirked.......such optimism!!! :):) 

3. Be prepared to be hugged: The minute I step out of the car, Ramola/Habiba, come running to me. I brace myself for the big hug I know I will get. I am not a snob or a racist, just that it is uncomfortable being hugged like this in public, and the sweat adds to this discomfort. But hey, wait. The HUG is the 3rd step in the whole inner circle thing. The 1st step is when she nods at you, you murmur "Good morning", to which there is no reply. This translates into no discount, endless wait for her to 'total' the amount you need to pay. "Come Ramola, total!!" 

The 2nd step is the hi fi she will give you. That probably happens after a month or more, of regularly buying from her. This still does not mean discounts or faster 'total' 

The 3rd step is HUG! It means you are into the close circle.......you get discounts on certain items (like tomatoes, potatoes), not on the most coveted ones (like dhaniya and cauliflower). You get 'totalled' faster than earlier. 

The ultimate step is the slap on the butt!!!! (YES!!!!). Ramola did it to me last week and I was like WOW!!!!! (no, I am straight) It means a lot to me - it means discounts on the cauliflower (like half kilo, N 600/700, saving of N 300/400 = saving of Rs. 100!!); it means I get 'totalled' first! Also, Ramola chooses the best tomatoes, okra and medium sized onions for me!

In addition, it means dhaniya Mamma will give me one bag dhaniya free!!! In fact, dhaniya Mamma gave me one bag methi also free!!! WOW!! That was D day....I had arrived!! (I had written earlier who Mamma is......she is the Kingpen; she doesn't smile/nod/hug/butt slap)

Yellow one is Ramola and the one sitting behind is Mamma

Dhaniya Mamma hasn't come properly, too shy

How did I manage this?? Repeated buying from Ramola/Habiba and gang; always being deferential to Mamma (she is THE boss), but never allowing her to 'total' (discounts my foot, she might tell me to buzz off); giving old clothes to Ramola's son! And allowing myself to be hi fied, hugged, slapped on the butt, with a pleasant expression on my face!!! :):):) 

Maybe now tomorrow, we can garnish our dal with the dhaniya and have Alu Gobhi too!! 

Lagos Cornucopia: Part 2, Public Transport

Public transport: There are various forms of public transport here.I am detailing each and the image is below the description.


1. Lagbus: It is either blue coloured or red coloured. These have a separate and exclusive lane. Cars have to wait for the bus to pass before crossing their lane.

2. Downfo: These are yellow coloured mini vans. The conductor is usually leaning out of the vans to attract passengers. They do have designated stops, yet, can stop absolutely anywhere!! These are quite dangerous  for cars, my driver usually steers clear of these. Reminds you of Blueline in Delhi right? :):)

3. Okadas: These are bikes that carry passengers to and fro (like 'pilots' in Goa). They too have a designated stops, yet behave similarly to Downfo.This is more expensive than Downfo, as the journey is customized.  
Helmets are not compulsory here, though some Okada drivers do wear. My son always tells such drivers that they are good boys because they are wearing helmets!!! Triply is also not strictly prohibited. 

4. Autos: Yes!!! Good old Bajaj autos are there!! These do not ply on all roads, maybe due to some regulation. 

5. Taxis: Yellow taxis are available; usually battered and relics!! But people do use these. 

Pls note: Ex pats do not travel by any of these. Maybe these are risky, anyways ex pats have cars and drivers. 

Lagos Cornucopia - Part 1, streets of Lagos

Hi, 

Finally I have managed to get snaps from my car, of Lagos, it’s streets and the various nuances that make it Lagos. I had been wanting to do this for a long time, gathering the photos took slightly longer than expected. These are quite assorted and so I will put an image and then the description below it. Given that there are many things I want to share with you, I am dividing this blog into different parts.

Streets of Lagos: I found the streets exactly like India. These were cleaner than Mumbai, definitely!! Almost like Delhi, the highways being super clean. Though there are parts that are dirty, but very different from what I had expected. Also, polythenes are freely available for everything here. Yet, you can hardly see these  littering the roads.

Regular cleaning of roads happens, in the morning time. Cleaning people, both men and women, wearing orange clothes, sweep the roads. Littering is an offence, unlike India. I have hardly seen people spitting on the roads. So, in all, maybe the streets are better than those in India!!

Clean streets 

Not so clean :)

Clean streets

Like India

Clean streets

Clean streets