I Pill

Hi, 

I was chatting with a friend about I Pill, an emergency contraceptive tablet that has been launched by Cipla. I will not get into what I Pill is and what it can/cannot do. I am sure you people are savvy enough to know about it, or Google it to find out more! 

Since I Pill is an OTC medicine, it can be advertised through various media. While in India, I remember seeing many ads, that is actually how I got to know about it. I distinctly remember 3 of the ads - one of a married housewife, probably 35+, with 2 kids, trying to hint to her husband that they did not take precautions last night. Similar story for a newly married couple. The other was about a young girl, maybe 25 -28 years, running away from an abortion clinic. 

Now, all the ads gave out the message that if someone does not want to have a kid now, they have a much safer/less traumatic option than an abortion. They depicted responsible individuals, being mature about precautions, yet being  human beings, were slightly less careful (I am deliberately avoiding the word 'careless'). 

However, I recently read articles discussing how the I Pill privileges are  being 'abused'. It seems that I Pill is being used regularly by women, more than once in one cycle, a blatant disregard for the caveats that are detailed in the pamphlet (I doubt anyone ever reads the same). Hence, moving it from the 'responsible' arena, to a more 'casual, shortcut' one. So, there were opinions for making the pill a prescription drug rather than OTC. With a high abortion rate and deaths/complications due to abortions, the government probably wants to retain the pill's OTC status. 

In India, with many prescription drugs being freely available as OTCs (I am sure all of us have bought Corex without prescription), making it a prescription drug does not seem to be the answer. However, yes, the usage needs to be restricted. I think the one way to do the same is to ensure women are better educated, about their bodies, the pros and cons of such medication, the dangers they face. Schools (and parents also) need to take this up, in a mature manner; for lower classes, I am sure NGOs would be the best means. 

The western influences on our culture and children are increasing. It seems very nice to turn our heads the other way and condition our minds to believe that "No, my son/daughter will not do anything, after all we are Indians". However, the change is inevitable. We have to be prepared for this, and prepare our children for the same, whether a boy or a girl. Make them more responsible and mature. 

World Terrorism

Hi, 

Yesterday my husband and I were watching, the Pakistan foreign minister speak about terrorism, their efforts to combat Talibanization and how they are involving the common man into this. We then proceeded to have a discussion amongst ourselves about what can be done to eradicate terrorism. 

Actually, our discussion revolved mainly around my husband giving certain ideas and those are what I am sharing with you today (he does not write blogs!!!). Basically, terrorists come from poverty stricken regions, so they are used to many adversities; they are used to being without food and seeing their loved ones do without basic necessities (food, medical, shelter etc). So each small step in life is a struggle, a huge one. 

Given this background, there is absence of media and thus other forms of entertainment. The community activities, would largely constitute entertainment. These would largely revolve around religion and so, dependency on religious leaders, for their social and mental upliftment would be high. In this light, when someone assures them of taking care of their family, convinces them the path of terrorism is the way to heaven (and finally a better life), they would jump at it! 

After all, what do they have to live for? What do they look forward to in life? We look forward to many things in life -  career, possessions, children, marriage, love, sex; other self actualization elements on the Maslow's hierarchy. For these terrorists/would be terrorists - love is banned; career without education and that without money is not possible; knowledge that children will be subject to the same torture, hence, would not bring joy, would bring greater worries; marriage can happen, many times over and therefore so can sex. But then, would be devoid of love and romance, due to the religious teachings. I mean, does he even get to see his wife's face? Given that there is hardly any electricity and in the daylight, she would be wearing the burkha? :):) 

Hence, he has no ambition, no dream, no desire to live. He is therefore, open to dying himself and if he can better his family's life, achieve a better life after death, by killing some people, why not? He does not care whether those people are innocent, all he cares is his end goal, as defined by someone else. 

Answer to world terrorism is to give them a reason to live, give them something to look forward to, to hope, and to feel that Hey, I do not want to die now, I still have to do/see/feel/experience XYZ things! This will come by opening up their world through media, through education, through relaxing the rigid moral environment around them.

So net-net, let them hold a whisky glass and a cigarette (instead of guns); let them watch mushy romantic movies on TV (instead of religion) and give them porn (the most favourite hobby with guys)! Let them know what 'living' means. 

Ciao

School days!

Hi, 

Now this post is about the other school day memories, the 'teacher bashing' ones! :):) Our school had this unique system in 11th and 12th grade wherein students were divided into Ability and Non Ability sections, on the basis of their 10th board marks. 

So, those who got a percentage (the complicated percentile method was unheard of back then) below a certain cut off, were put in the 'Non -ab' section. Those in the 'Ab' sections were monitored after the first term exams; if their marks were below the cut off, they were chucked out of 'Ab' and into 'Non -ab'. 

Some of my friends got the most coveted 'Ab' section in Science. However, poor things could not probably cope or were busy with medical exam classes, so got transferred to the 'Non -ab' section. There they understood what it exactly meant to be an 'average' student!! The teachers used to come and instead of teaching them properly, used to belittle them by saying "You people are anyways in Non-ab, why am I bothering to teach you this, you will not understand" Imagine!!!!! 

There was no difference in the fee structure of the 'Non-ab' and 'Ab' students, so the teacher was earning her salary from both. Was it not her duty to teach both sets properly?? It hurt her ego to teach 'Non -ab' students (that she was not good enough for the 'Ab' ones), so she decided to take out her frustration on the poor kids. Did she not know that students are not there for pampering a teacher's ego? It should be teachers who should encourage students? 

I am all for carrots for students for performing well, sometimes sticks too. But those sticks should not scar a person for life and should not be detrimental to the confidence. Ancient Indian traditions show gurus were the most respected people. However, with all this, can we put hand on heart and say we really respect our teachers (all of them)? 

I am sure that those from the 'Non-ab' sections fared quite well later in life, my friends certainly did. Probably, some of them did better than some privileged 'Ab' ones. After all, our education system is not the best judge of a person's abilities, nor does it prepare the student for the best performing career! :):) 

After some years, sanity prevailed on Madam Principal and she abolished the 'Ab' and 'Non-ab' system. Maybe, some student from the 'Non-ab' section got through IIT or MAMC!!!! :):) 

Ciao

Praises and Gifts

Hi, 

In my last post I mentioned that this one would be about more school/discipline incidents.However, in this post I want to share one incident that happened today, during my son's recitation competition. My son goes to a playschool, where there are some 60 odd children, in the age group 2-3.5+ years. This was the 3rd competition my son had attended, hence, he and other children were well aware that teacher gives prizes (gifts). 

A friend's son, did not recite the poem on stage; and he was not the only one, there were many. Probably, such small children get stage fright, maybe they get confused as to why Mummy has come into the school, maybe they are simply not interested! Whatever, the reason be, even if they do not 'perform', they want a prize!! For them, its less of a 'pride' thing, more of getting a new toy. Like for my son, it does not matter whether he gets 1st prize or consolation prize or the common gifts teacher gives. All he wants is a gift. 

Now, this friend, she was very nice about her son not saying anything; unlike some other mothers I have seen. She did not pressurize him at all.She asked him once, whether he wanted to again go on the stage and recite. He very adamantly said no; he even refused all tempting offers by his elder brother. So, he was not interested. Point taken. Mother left him alone. 

However, being a small child, he wanted a prize/gift. I told him "Don't worry, teacher will give you". But I noticed, my friend did not go to collect the common prizes/gifts that were being distributed. Normally, any mother would collect those gifts, to stop their child from crying. I had collected during sports day, when my son WANTED it and did not deserve it; in fact, today also I had kept small car with me, in case he did not win anything. 

I realized, my friend wanted to give a hint to her son, that he can get a prize ONLY if he does something. It seemed quite harsh to me at first, but after introspection, I felt, she was right. If she had given something to him today, he could have understood it as 'I will always get a prize/gift, whenever there is a competition'. This could be detrimental to him in the long run. Actually, not him per se, to children in general. Of course, there is a fine line between this discipline and pressurizing the child to go and get a prize/gift. Parents have to be mature enough to not cross the line. I am using the word 'could' because it may happen in future, that he does not understand it that way. Also, this is my interpretation of what was going on in my friend's mind, if she  reads this blog, she is free to comment on it. 

My son cannot colour anything properly, he either scribbles the life out of the drawing, or colours only a tiny part of it. Each time he does colouring, he always says "See Mamma, such nice colouring I have done". What do I say? "Very good, very nice" Even though I am saying "Ugh!!" from inside. What does my husband say "This is not proper, you have scribbled, it has gone out of the drawing, it is NOT nice" For my husband, it is not important that my son should colour properly; he could be least bothered about it.

My son always cries whenever Daddy gives such a feedback. My husband's philosophy 'I will give praise wherever it is deserved'; else my son may feel whatever type of colouring he does, it will ALWAYS be nice!   Same logic for prizes/gifts ?? I think there is no right or wrong in this aspect, it varies from parents to parents and children to children. However, I want to encourage my son to do his best, but get a prize/gift when he deserves it! Next competition, I will NOT keep a gift with me. :):)

Ciao

Discipline!! and school

Hi

In the morning, I was listening to the song 'Give me some sunshine', from the movie 3 Idiots. Each time I listen to it, I am always reminded of my school days and some idiotic teachers we had. We had many teachers who with due respect to them, were very what do I say......strict! (yes, that is an understatement, but the due respect you see) Also, quite un - understanding!! I clearly remember 2 incidents where I felt the situation could have been dealt with in a much better way. Just for the record, I went to a very prestigious school, one of the best in India!!! (!@@##$) :):) (you people are smart enough to figure out what that means) 

One incident happened with me. I was probably in 6th or 7th grade and we had our annual day practice. We were standing in a queue, waiting for our dance turn to come. Due to the crowd of students and teachers and general chaos, we were getting pushed. I got pushed onto a teacher and accidentally stepped on her toes. Yes, it would have hurt her a lot, granted. 

But, she turned in anger and slapped me hard across the face! I was a small child and I started crying. The other kids started laughing at this thing. (Kids are quite cruel you know?) Maybe they did not know how to react. Whatever. Now it was not my fault, it could have happened to the teacher in a bus queue, movie theatre queue, wherever. Would she have slapped THAT person? No, of course not! Being a teacher gave her the power. 

The second incident happened, not with me, but a senior in school. We used to have morning assemblies which lasted for 30 minutes to 2 hours also!! This particular assembly was slightly longer than 30 minutes, though not in the 2 hour category. All throughout everyone noticed that a 12th grade boy was made to stand with his hands up, on the podium, near the principal. In that position, no one could not miss him. 

Finally, when the mundane stuff was dealt with, Madam Principal fulfilled our curiosity. She said that the boy was breaking an indicator light, of a teacher's car. The light that blinks for right or left, that light. Hence, she was rusticating him!!!!! This came as a shock to everyone and there were collective gasps, from students and teachers. I remember the teacher standing next to me, turned around and started discussing with a fellow teacher, what an insane punishment it was. 

The boy was in 12th grade, THE MOST IMPORTANT standard of school days, with the board exams looming around each second. Rusticating him meant that he would not get admission into even a half decent school, God knows if the government/poor ones would also take him. He would not have been able to give the board exams, thereby ruining his career! 

Even if he got admission, gave the boards, would the punishment not have scarred him for life? Maybe. It could have turned him against teachers and education totally, making him completely vengeful. Yes, he did something wrong, no one would condone the act. But, the punishment was too severe. Who knows, maybe the teacher (whose car it was), had slapped the boy many a times? I do not know what happened to the boy, maybe his parents intervened and stopped Madam Principal from making such a mistake. 

Till date, I feel that if I was in the boy's position, I would have smashed the car to pieces!!! :):) I mean, anyways I am rusticated, so what do I care? :):) Very bad, I know!!! 

I feel that teachers can contribute much more to a child's overall personality rather than just teaching him/her. The way discipline is taught is important. Beating up a child, humiliating him/her, comparing with better students etc, is not the answer. Unfortunately, that is what largely happens, still, in our education system. 

My next post, little more on this school madness. :):)

Ciao

Movie review: Karthik calling Karthik

Hi,

Finally I managed to buy the DVD for Karthik calling Karthik (KCK). There was only one in Emjay's (an 'Indian' shop that sells pirated DVDs) and I guess I was lucky to get my hands on it! (hmmm, I am pretty lucky in this aspect you know). I had been wanting to see the movie since before it was released. Main reason being that I absolutely LOVE Farhan Akhtar!!!!! (and yes, my husband knows about it)

I think FA is the sexiest actor we have currently in Bollywood (though he would not have removed his shirt in any scene I guess) and has brains too! Deadly combination! I mean for a guy who just sat at home for 2 years doing nothing but watching Hindi movies, he has achieved phenomenaly. He is an excellent actor, producer, director, and of course singer!!!! Okay, enough orgasms about FA. Let me talk about the movie.

From the promos I could make out that there would be some suspense element in the movie. FA's Karthik gets calls from a person called Karthik, who sounds like him! Ditto! And FA, like his father, has a very unique voice. So of course there was curiosity as to who this mysterious caller is, why is he troubling Karthik and how does he deal with it.

Now, having researched a lot of media (movies, scripts, TV programmes etc) with viewers, during my days as a Qualitative market researcher, I could make out the movie would be a winner! AND a loser too! Let me talk about the loser part first. Mainly, the topic of schizoprenia is such that it would be understood by an upmarket audience. I should actually say a more educated audience. Therefore, the appeal of the movie would be amongst the 'multiplex' audience rather than single screen theatre viewers. But then, most of FA's movies  Dil Chahta Hai, Rock On) are for the multiplex audience, metro types; he does not aim for mass appeal. I think this is okay, whether one calls it a 'limitation of the film maker', except for Don. (where the mass appeal was of SRK rather than the slick way it was remade).

Having quickly dismissed the 'loser' elements, let me detail the winners!! These are very obviously the direction and the acting. The director is a deubtant and given that, he has done an excellent job. The movie is fast paced and simplistic. Though the support characters are well etched, the script does not spend unnecessary time on further detailing them. More time is spent on Karthik, the central character and the emotions he goes through. There was never a point in the movie when I felt bored, I kept thinking what is going to happen next!! The pace is very important for such a movie, where the story is neither unique nor the climax unguessable. Also, given it is about schizoprenia, the director has not made it into an educational movie, spending time telling us what it is, why it happens, how many people in India suffer/die from it!!

The other winning element is of course the most important - the hero, though a loser in life, who initially cannot get a girl, is humiliated each time by his boss, badgered by his landlord, friendless etc. He transforms into this suave, right hand man of boss; gets the sexy girl (Deepika), stands upto the landlor and exracts money from him!! Even after discovering he is schizoprenic, the movie ends on a positive note. He takes action towards becoming normal and yet retains the sexy girl.

In my experience in media research, the hero should always be what he is - a HERO! This means he should fight the villains, set the wrongs right and retain the sexy girl (that is what the male viewers aspire for). Karthik though has not completely fought the villain (in this case his alter ego), but he will one day; this is enough for the multiplex audience, who is slightly more practical. He also has the sexy girl, in the end he is shown hugging and kissing her!!! :):) Even the multiplex audience cannot concessionalize this, they are traditional in this regard!!!

Farhan is simply brilliant, as always!! :):) But then I love him!!!

Happy viewing

My brother

My sister in law has been writing her childhood memories in her blog. She wrote recently about her sister being born and her feelings associated with the same. It brought back memories of the time when my own brother was born. I do not remember asking my parents to get me a sibling, maybe because I had many neighbours my age to play with. Or maybe I was slightly dumb not to see others having younger siblings and wonder why I do not have. I was 5 years old after all, when my brother was born.

I also do not remember anything about my mother’s pregnancy, except that twice she fainted, once in the post office and the other time at a grocery store. I remember being more embarrassed than worried at this. Come to think of it, maybe I was just a selfish child!!!! 

When the time came for my brother to be born, each day I used to pray to God that I want a brother and not a sister. I even threatened to throw the sister out of the window, if she occurred! It is a wonder my dear parents did not stop me. I guess they wanted a son too, ONLY for the reason, they had a daughter already. They would have been okay with a girl too, but maybe they really feared my reaction!! 

Finally, one fine evening in June, my brother was born. I remember going with Daddy to see him and mom in the hospital. There were slides and swings in the hospital garden and I was very much eyeing them. But I was also quite excited about seeing my baby brother. That time I was naïve enough to think “Wow, my prayers worked, God has given me what I prayed for!!” So, I went to the nursery and peeped. There were many babies there, some sleeping, some wailing their lungs out. Most babies were on the darker side and there was one fair baby out of the lot that I could see. I wished he was my brother. I remember being pretty disgusted with the others (okay, you can call me racist).

So, very hesitantly, lest my dream should break, I asked the nurse in charge “Out of these, which is OUR baby?” And wonders of wonder, she pointed out at the fair one and said that one! Wow, I was so very happy. 2 dreams fulfilled in one day, what more can anyone ask for. I don’t think I even asked how mom was. Very mean of me I know.

While growing up, given a 5 year age difference, I could have done lots with my brother and helped mom a lot. I liked kids (I guess that was not clear in all this ), so planned to play with him, feed him, take him around etc. But, from the very beginning, he was Mamma’s boy (he still is). He used to get very irritated with me feeding him and probably that is why he quickly grew independent in this area. We did play together lots of times, but he was pretty independent (except when it came to clinging to mom) and not the kinds to follow his elder sister around.

For some strange reason, given that inherently he is a MCP, he never considered me as an elder sister. He never called me ‘didi’ and still does not. So, though we were close to each other and of course I loved him a lot, I was not very clear what his feelings were for me!!! When I went to do MBA, he was maybe in class 10th. That time, he used to send me long letters (e mails were not very common then), which were full of some stupidity about WWF; but he also used to ask how I was and when I was coming. He was always there to drop me or pick me up, with his impassive face looking at all the other kids alighting from the train! So in some ways, he was glad I was home.

Few years later, when he was doing engineering, we became quite close to each other. Like confiding in each other and all that. I had less to confide in, since I was already married. He probably had more.  And our closeness grew from there. Some time back, when I went through a bad phase, he was the first person I told and the only person in whom I confided what I was feeling.

We are as close as brother and sister, can be I feel. And there are many times when I really really miss him. Especially when I catch glimpses of him in my son. I still hug and kiss him, which my husband feels must be irritating to him. I do not know how he feels. Nor do I care, he is after all my baby brother, whom I prayed very hard for!! By the way, he is not as fair anymore, so all dreams do not come true!!!